I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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