i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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