his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
PS: I just woke up from my shower
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
