Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
