so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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