I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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