Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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