she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
