I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
