he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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