420 ftw
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
