i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Randomize
