So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
