this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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