North Korea, Best Korea!
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
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