no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
