He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
