We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
