fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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