Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
