cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
