Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
he puts the penis in happiness.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
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I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
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Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize