last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
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Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
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Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize