Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
