apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
