I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
