my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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