Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
