4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize