i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
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It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
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I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.