watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
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They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...