Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.