He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
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while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
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He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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