This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
