Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.