dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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