Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Randomize
