she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
