end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
