Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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