Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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