Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
