guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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