??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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