If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.  Â
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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