oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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