and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
