i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just gift wrapped bread.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
