chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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