every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
