I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
