I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
i need to put some appletini on your dick
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
