I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
