Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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