i barfeds in our rink
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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