grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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