sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
