My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
