Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
