Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
