All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
