recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
