And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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