You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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