the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
