I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
