How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
