I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
