i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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