I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Every concussion has its silver lining
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
