just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
