Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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