I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
splinters make it hard to masturbate
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
