I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
