I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
