When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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