Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
