listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
