After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
