One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
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At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
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Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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