I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
