you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
